What do you need an ADHD label for?
Plus a February recap and March in the Quiet ADHD Club
Pre-S: If you’re an introverted, sensitive woman who has, or you think you might have ADHD take a look at the Quiet ADHD Club here, I made it especially for you.
And the start of a new month brings a new topic to explore in the Club! If you’re an overthinker I’ve got you covered, plus there’s a big bonus for you too…
A question that can come up when you’re talking with someone about your ADHD suspicions or suggesting you might pursue a diagnosis is:
“What do you need a label for?”
Seven little words can hold such weight. With the particular use of the word ‘label’ the person who’s sharing their ADHD suspicions hears an implication that it is a label and we shouldn’t want it. We shouldn’t be going down this path of investigation or pursuing a diagnosis or even talking about it openly.
When you start to share that you think you might have ADHD it can feel tender, exposing, and what you really need is for your vulnerability to be received with an open mind and heart. Because, chances are, you’re unsure yourself as the idea you could have been neurodivergent all this time – that it could explain so much about you and your life – is blowing your mind somewhat.
So, for someone you’re opening up with to ask, “What do you need a label for?” it feels like they’re shutting you down. Dismissing what feels like a seismic revelation as unnecessary attention-seeking. You’ve doubted yourself most of your life and just as you’re beginning to see a chink of believable light this one question slams shut the door.
I wrote a post here about the fear of being seen as jumping on the bandwagon when you suggest you may have ADHD.
Here’s the thing: we already have labels, many of them in fact.
Labels that others gave to us, that we took on board, that we gave ourselves.
Labels we’ve carried around since childhood that have shaped us, stopped us, gaslit us.
Labels that made us feel not enough and too much at the same time.
Labels such as: intense, faddish, careless, scatterbrained, lazy, erratic, too quiet, too sensitive, disorganised, over-organised, flaky, a daydreamer, a worrier, moody, forgetful, weird, a bit crap…
Here’s the real thing: ADHD is not a label, it’s an explanation. It’s an understanding.
Your ADHD discovery makes sense, probably for the first time in all your decades, of who you are. Why you think the way you do. Why you feel and behave the way you do. It explains what feels difficult and different, as well as what feels easy. It lifts the heavy cloak of confusion, bewilderment and shame that you’ve carried all your life because things never felt quite right, you were never quite right (in others’ eyes at least).
So, what do we need an ADHD label for?
To replace and free us from the many untrue, harmful labels given to us since we were children, with an explanation that our brains aren’t wrong, they’re different, and an understanding that we can work with.
How did you respond when someone asked what you need an ADHD label for? How would you answer now? Share in the comments below.
March in the Quiet ADHD Club
This month we’re taking a close look at the tricky issue of overthinking – why our ADHD brains are more likely to overthink as well what we can do to help ourselves soothe and calm our whirring brains – for our Exploration topic.
Plus, full members get the *bonus of a free online course* designed to help you to calm your overthinking brain long-term, and it’s only available in the Club.
There are our usual weekly Accountability threads, twice-weekly Body-doubling sessions and our monthly Q&A as well so lots of ways you can get support in the Quiet ADHD Club.
To find out more, and join, take a look here.
February re-cap
Last month featured a lot of talking! Fascinating conversations with fabulous women such as
for her podcast, Creative Career Change. Among other things we talked about my multiple careers and how each shaped and informed the next. You can listen where you get your podcasts or on Hannah’s Substack, Chez Hanny here.
Another brilliant conversation was with Toni Jones at
in my first ever Live on Substack. We talked about habits, marginal gains and self-help all through the lens of late-discovered ADHD. And I may have had a little rant about how ‘eating the frog’ is terrible advice! You can watch/listen to our chat here.
I was thrilled (and nervous) for a sell-out event at Simply Books bookshop in Cheshire all about my book, The 1% Wellness Experiment. I was in conversation with the lovely Jo from Amaranth Wellbeing – I’ve realised that I much prefer to be interviewed for events rather than delivering a talk or presentation.
The brilliant audience asked some cracking questions and it was wonderful to chat with so many as I signed their books. All round a top night that reminded me I can be brave!
And after a long pause the Pressing Pause podcast is back! In episode 142 I share what kept me away from the mic, what’s happening now and what you can expect going forward. There’ll be another new episode available on Wednesday, you can listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts.
Until next time,
Personalised support
You can click here to find out about how one-to-one coaching can support you to work with your ADHD brain, embrace your nature and your strengths, and thrive in a calm and joyful life of your design.
Whether you’re just beginning to recognise potential ADHD traits in yourself or you’re on a long waitlist for an assessment or you’ve had this self-knowledge for a while, it can be a LOT to process as you look back on how your life has been and look ahead to want you do with this information.
Go gently, you’re not alone, we’re in this together.
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Supporting quiet, introverted, sensitive, empathetic, late-discovered ADHD women find self-acceptance and understanding, as well as calm and joyful freedom to be their unique, beautiful selves.
I love this post about labels. They're so important! I'll give you an example. I'm short - 5'2" - but I have very long legs. As my sister puts it, my legs stop and my neck starts. I was always a fan of fitted jackets, but they never worked for me. It was like my hips were too big...but they weren't. I was very slender. I guess I needed to lose weight...in my hips?
One day I was looking in the mirror at a store, clearly disappointed. The saleslady looked at me, left and came back holding the same jacket. "Here," she said. "This is a petite. The regular size won't work for you - you're short waisted."
So...the problem wasn't me? The problem was the clothing manufacturer's? I just needed a different cut?
Mind blown doesn't even begin to cover it. After many, many years of figuring the problem was me, to find out it wasn't was, well, mind blowing!
We spend so much of our time blaming ourselves. Discovering that there is a reason for our behavior is profound and hard to wrap our minds around. To have that questioned is such a betrayal.