Another post by you that makes me feel seen, and helps me to rationlise how I am feeling. I know I have ADHD, I often think I should get a diagnosis to prove it to others, but I know I have it. What I don't do it admit that widely and embrace it, I suggested to a few people that I may have it, interestingly two of my ND friends nearly fell off their chairs laughing when I said I may have ADHD - they both thought I already knew I had it (both work in the MH sector including with NDs). They were both very helpful in guiding me where to learn more about it, without them it wouldn't have even crossed my mind back in lockdown that it's ADHD, I thought it was something else. I'm a few years into perimenopause, plus have a teenager and work full time, so I do think that's highlighted it, I definitely tell people I'm messy/ rubbish at housekeeping/ obsessively early and organised because I have to be.
I also have a sneaky feeling my new workplace have worked it out, they keep telling me to slow down so that I don't burn out, I do wonder what their reaction would be if I told them
Isn't it fascinating when our ND friends see it so clearly but we, and our neurotypical friends haven't spotted it all this time? It sounds like your workplace wants you to take care of yourself so you don't burn out, does that feel encouraging to you?
So wish I could reach through the internet and hug you, Louise. Having thought myself a bit crap all my life this discovery finally gave me something real to challenge that thought with x
It’s like you’re in my brain Gabrielle. I actually said those words “I’m worried it looks like I’m jumping on the bandwagon” to a friend this week as I spoke to her about it. Plus I sent your last post to my mum to help her understand better what I mean when I say I think I have ADHD. I actually submitted my referral form to the GP last week and put the words ‘I’ve always just thought I was useless’ on it. Thank you. Your words mean so much x
I think my eyes would well up with tears if someone asked me if I was jumping on the bandwagon! 🥺 Sometimes it’s hard to separate what is ADHD and what is me. Am I doing this because of my personality or is it because of my ADHD. It’s hard to know when you don’t talk about it with other people and see similarities. That’s why it’s so lovely that you are writing about it.
Yes, Mika, it’s so invalidating for someone to be that dismissive. Masking makes it hard to know what’s you and what are you covering up because of fitting in, especially when you’re not even sure when you’re masking because you’ve done it your whole life! The more we talk about neurodiversity openly and share experiences the more we understand ourselves and help others understand us too x
I relate to so much of this. I'm undiagnosed, and a couple of people have looked at me funny when I've said I have strong ADHD symptoms, one even stating "doesn't everyone these days?" But my life makes much more sense when I view myself as being so.
Then I joined my local Christmas choir, and on just my second rehearsal, in the middle of stating half jokingly about having the symptoms, the chap I was speaking to literally finished off my sentence, identifying me as someone with ADHD (he's diagnosed), recognising the signs I was showing. A guy I'd only ever met twice before. He knew it immediately. That made me feel less like a hypochondriac!
Another person on another occasion said he calls me the woman who never stops moving! I hadn't realised I was that bad previously LOL.
Anyway, this quite recent revelation has led me to seek out ways to manage it and life doesn't feel quite so chaotic. Writing has been a huge help anyway, prior to this epiphany. It anchors me.
We all just want to be seen and accepted for who we are, don't we? You know you best of all and if you resonate with the ADHD experience and feel like makes sense of your life – that's all that matters. It's wonderful that writing helps you and that life feels less chaotic x
Kind of - I'm more concerned with accepting myself, flaws n all, rather than being accepted by others (I find that a rather futile endeavour, and I'm getting too old to be bothered with it). One thing I've learnt is to stop trying to be accepted and just dig in and get on with what I want to do.
If you ain't invited to the party, throw an even bigger-arsed party how YOU want to do it. 😉 🥳
Reading stuff like this helps with the management, so thank you!
Yes to self-acceptance coming first! (I'd use all the emojis but they don't show up on my laptop, weirdly) I think our hardwired need for acceptance and connection for our literal survival from ancient times leads us, in this very different age, to abandoning love, respect and acceptance for ourselves to pursue only others' acceptance. Which most of us would really still like but it's not the survival dealbreaker it once was. Enjoy your choice of music, food, drinks and setting for your own party!
This is what I worry about, somewhat. As I think about it more and more, I really just want tools and strategies to get my multi-passionate brain to figure out how to focus better without distraction and finish things. Or figure out how to work my life around a possible ADHD brain here in my body. As in make it work for me, not against me. Or harness it's superpower?!
You’re not alone, Melissa! Tools and strategies are super useful for helping you to work with your brain rather than fighting with it. And I’d caveat that by saying that as well as the practical tools we also need to look at the emotional side of things too, the messages we’ve taken on and the beliefs about ourselves they’ve created.
Nailed it! That is exactly the position I find myself in with my older sister...thanks for your suggestions ☺️
No probs, Janey, will keep my fingers crossed for you x
Another post by you that makes me feel seen, and helps me to rationlise how I am feeling. I know I have ADHD, I often think I should get a diagnosis to prove it to others, but I know I have it. What I don't do it admit that widely and embrace it, I suggested to a few people that I may have it, interestingly two of my ND friends nearly fell off their chairs laughing when I said I may have ADHD - they both thought I already knew I had it (both work in the MH sector including with NDs). They were both very helpful in guiding me where to learn more about it, without them it wouldn't have even crossed my mind back in lockdown that it's ADHD, I thought it was something else. I'm a few years into perimenopause, plus have a teenager and work full time, so I do think that's highlighted it, I definitely tell people I'm messy/ rubbish at housekeeping/ obsessively early and organised because I have to be.
I also have a sneaky feeling my new workplace have worked it out, they keep telling me to slow down so that I don't burn out, I do wonder what their reaction would be if I told them
Isn't it fascinating when our ND friends see it so clearly but we, and our neurotypical friends haven't spotted it all this time? It sounds like your workplace wants you to take care of yourself so you don't burn out, does that feel encouraging to you?
I'm trying to get over the fact that I have to prove myself by burning myself out.
"You're not just a bit crap"
I can't tell you how relatable this is and how much I feel seen and validated by these words.
So wish I could reach through the internet and hug you, Louise. Having thought myself a bit crap all my life this discovery finally gave me something real to challenge that thought with x
It’s like you’re in my brain Gabrielle. I actually said those words “I’m worried it looks like I’m jumping on the bandwagon” to a friend this week as I spoke to her about it. Plus I sent your last post to my mum to help her understand better what I mean when I say I think I have ADHD. I actually submitted my referral form to the GP last week and put the words ‘I’ve always just thought I was useless’ on it. Thank you. Your words mean so much x
Oh Helen, how many other women like you and me have thought these thoughts about ourselves for so many years? x
Well, so many more than I would have thought based on the amount of women I’m speaking to about it right now!! Xx
Yep, too many!
I read out one of your posts to my husband this morning and this evening he said I think you do have ADHD.
Oof, Claire, how do you feel about that? x
I mean he has known me for nearly 30 years. He is very supportive so it's not a bad thing. It's all very stirring though.
Yep, this can stir up a lot so go gently on yourself x
I think my eyes would well up with tears if someone asked me if I was jumping on the bandwagon! 🥺 Sometimes it’s hard to separate what is ADHD and what is me. Am I doing this because of my personality or is it because of my ADHD. It’s hard to know when you don’t talk about it with other people and see similarities. That’s why it’s so lovely that you are writing about it.
Yes, Mika, it’s so invalidating for someone to be that dismissive. Masking makes it hard to know what’s you and what are you covering up because of fitting in, especially when you’re not even sure when you’re masking because you’ve done it your whole life! The more we talk about neurodiversity openly and share experiences the more we understand ourselves and help others understand us too x
“You’re NOT just a bit crap.”
Oh Gabrielle, the tears that came when I read those words. Thank you ❤️
Hi Ingrid, I'm here to remind you any time you need it - you are absolutely, categorically, most definitely not crap in any way shape or form x
I relate to so much of this. I'm undiagnosed, and a couple of people have looked at me funny when I've said I have strong ADHD symptoms, one even stating "doesn't everyone these days?" But my life makes much more sense when I view myself as being so.
Then I joined my local Christmas choir, and on just my second rehearsal, in the middle of stating half jokingly about having the symptoms, the chap I was speaking to literally finished off my sentence, identifying me as someone with ADHD (he's diagnosed), recognising the signs I was showing. A guy I'd only ever met twice before. He knew it immediately. That made me feel less like a hypochondriac!
Another person on another occasion said he calls me the woman who never stops moving! I hadn't realised I was that bad previously LOL.
Anyway, this quite recent revelation has led me to seek out ways to manage it and life doesn't feel quite so chaotic. Writing has been a huge help anyway, prior to this epiphany. It anchors me.
Will definitely be coming back for more reads.
We all just want to be seen and accepted for who we are, don't we? You know you best of all and if you resonate with the ADHD experience and feel like makes sense of your life – that's all that matters. It's wonderful that writing helps you and that life feels less chaotic x
Kind of - I'm more concerned with accepting myself, flaws n all, rather than being accepted by others (I find that a rather futile endeavour, and I'm getting too old to be bothered with it). One thing I've learnt is to stop trying to be accepted and just dig in and get on with what I want to do.
If you ain't invited to the party, throw an even bigger-arsed party how YOU want to do it. 😉 🥳
Reading stuff like this helps with the management, so thank you!
Yes to self-acceptance coming first! (I'd use all the emojis but they don't show up on my laptop, weirdly) I think our hardwired need for acceptance and connection for our literal survival from ancient times leads us, in this very different age, to abandoning love, respect and acceptance for ourselves to pursue only others' acceptance. Which most of us would really still like but it's not the survival dealbreaker it once was. Enjoy your choice of music, food, drinks and setting for your own party!
This is what I worry about, somewhat. As I think about it more and more, I really just want tools and strategies to get my multi-passionate brain to figure out how to focus better without distraction and finish things. Or figure out how to work my life around a possible ADHD brain here in my body. As in make it work for me, not against me. Or harness it's superpower?!
You’re not alone, Melissa! Tools and strategies are super useful for helping you to work with your brain rather than fighting with it. And I’d caveat that by saying that as well as the practical tools we also need to look at the emotional side of things too, the messages we’ve taken on and the beliefs about ourselves they’ve created.