What does it look like, really?
24 ways ADHD shows up in ordinary life
Welcome to The Haven…
…a place for quiet, empathetic, sensitive, introverted late-(self)diagnosed ADHD women to find self-acceptance and understanding, as well as calm and joyful freedom to be their unique, beautiful selves.
One of the first things I had to do when I started to learn about ADHD was get to grips with the jargon. There’s a lot of it.
I think it can be useful to give something a name because it shows that it’s a thing. It’s something lots of people experience, so many that it got its own name. But, when the jargon and terminology is used so much that it begins to feel like insider knowledge, like you need to be a member of a club to get what everyone’s talking about – that's not so helpful.
So, I thought I’d share a bunch of ways that ADHD can show up in your life, without any jargon. (I was thinking of making an ADHD glossary to explain all the lingo, would that be useful? Let me know.)
This is not an exhaustive list by any stretch, you don’t need to tick every box to ‘qualify’ (ugh) as ADHD, and I’m not a clinician here to diagnose anyone, but a lot of this keeps coming up in my conversations with ADHD women, as well as in my own experience.
So, in no particular order…
24 ways ADHD may show up in your life
Your brain is super busy all the time, there’s no off switch. You have multiple thoughts running through your head simultaneously, plus there may be a tune or a song playing. At the same time you’re taking in external stimulation like the feel of your clothes or the breeze on your skin, smells, the emotional atmosphere as well as what you can see and hear. All this stimulus is layered up in your brain, running around it non-stop.
You might find that your mind goes quiet when you’re absorbed in something but when it’s not fully occupied, especially when it’s deprived of external stimulus like when you’re lying in bed in the quiet and dark, it’s a whirlwind.Along with this you have a tendency to overthink and ruminate, replaying what’s been said or happened in the past, beating yourself up for something years old, imagining what’s going to happen in the future and rehearsing conversations.
You can find it incredibly hard to get started on a task or a piece of work, even if it’s something you want to do. As well as the mental reluctance it can feel like there’s a physical barrier stopping you from beginning. But, when you’ve procrastinated to the nth degree and finally make a start (perhaps because you’re at deadline crunch time) you become laser focused, you forget everything else (time, hunger, needing the loo) until you emerge having done way more than you thought you could in that time.
Despite your laser focus you can make careless mistakes, which you then beat yourself up about.
Time is something of a mystery – you go from having plenty of time to somehow none at all. You may be late even though you try so hard to be on time OR you clock watch and panic so much about being late that you’re usually early. You find it hard to judge how long something will take, either overestimating or underestimating it.
And if there’s something happening at a specific time later in the day you might find it hard to think about or do anything else because you’re waiting for that specific time to come.When something captures your interest you can dive in wholeheartedly, learning everything on the subject, buying all the kit, and then one day you just aren’t interested and can’t motivate yourself to keep going with it at all.
You have the urge to interrupt someone when they’re speaking not because you aren’t interested in what they have to say but because what they’re saying interests you so much you want to share what you’re thinking about it, or your experiences and opinions too. Plus, if you don’t say it straight away there’s a good chance you’ll forget.
When you get bored with something, or just feel like you’re done, it feels incredibly difficult to keep going with it (it could be a book, a hobby, a conversation, a job or even a relationship).
You’ve been through lots of change in your life from moving home or changing your appearance to starting and ending relationships or changing careers multiple times.
Emotions skyrocket in milliseconds
You’re honest with people and that can sometimes mean you overshare or you’re more blunt than you mean to be.
Your emotions can spark quickly taking you from fine to extreme embarrassment, shame, anger, shouting, tears, (as well as joy and excitement) in milliseconds. It can feel like you have no control over your emotions in that moment, and then you have to deal with the fallout afterwards from reacting so extremely so suddenly. Â
On that theme, if someone criticises you, suggests you’ve done something wrong, rejects or is disappointed in you – or if you just think this is what’s happened – you have an instant and strong, even overwhelming, reaction, it can feel physically painful.
Others may think that you’ve zoned out, lost focus or are bored with them mid-conversation but it’s more likely something they or you said sparked more questions and thoughts and your mind has followed that thread in a new direction.
You get easily distracted from tasks as your brain is busy with thoughts, sparks with new ideas or follows prompts. For example, you start putting dishes away and a clean jug reminds you that the plant in your bedroom needs watering. On the way there you notice the post on the doormat and there’s a letter, which you open immediately, asking you to make an appointment.
You go to your computer straight away because otherwise you’ll forget. Then you see other emails in your inbox and the open tabs on your browser and… sometime later you notice there’s a jug of water next to you.
You can overcommit, saying yes and getting involved in lots of things that eventually overwhelm or even burn you out, because you get excited by newness and there’s a strong need to fit in and be liked.
Being uncomfortable with saying no can lead you to overexplain yourself, partly because you don’t want to risk the other person’s displeasure or disappointment in you and also because you’ve felt misunderstood for a lot of your life.
If someone verbally gives you instructions you’ve lost track by the third step but if they’re written down you can follow them no problem.
You’re a multi-tasker, it’s rare that you do one thing at a time (unless you’re hyper-focused on it making you oblivious to anything else). This could be doing a hobby while watching TV, doodling while in a meeting, replying to emails while cooking, or jiggling your leg while listening to someone talk. There can be a need to be in motion, doing something, most of the time.
But when your mind is going at super speed it can render you inert due to the overwhelm of too many thoughts, too many ideas, too many options.
A mass of contradictions
You love a new planner or organising system but you never manage to stick to using them, however much you try or want to.
You may have processes in your life that you don’t (or didn’t) realise others don’t have but which you need to be on time, not lose things, meet deadlines, remember specific dates and appointments, and keep on top of life admin.
You’re great at problem-solving, you might find colleagues and friends come to you for advice and ideas when they’re feeling stuck.
You feel like a mass of contradictions – you need structure and routine AND you hate feeling confined and boxed in. You get exhausted by being overstimulated by people, surroundings, your own thoughts AND you feel exhausted when you’re under stimulated too.
You have so many creative thoughts and ideas AND you find it difficult to organise, prioritise or do something with them. You overthink decisions making it hard to actually decide AND you can be impulsive and say yes or jump in without thinking it through first.
You can remember details from decades ago AND forget what you went into a room for, where you put something or a person’s name the moment after you’ve been introduced. You’re great in a crisis, taking charge and keeping your cool AND sometimes the ordinary stuff of everyday life can be overwhelming.You have a nagging, residual, can’t quite shake it feeling of being both too much and not enough for other people simultaneously.
Sound familiar? How does ADHD show up for you most clearly? You’re welcome to share in the comments below, or message me if you’d prefer.
Oh, and let me know if you’d find a glossary of ADHD terms useful.
In other news…
The 35th issue of The Happy News is out and, as usual, it’s ram-jam-packed with stories to lift your mood, your heart and restore your belief that there are many, many wonderful people doing many wonderful things in the world. (Plus a wee feature by me.)
Two news stories I loved are that Fabulosa Books in San Francisco is sending LGBTQ+ books to queer organisations in US states with an LGBTQ+ book ban, and here in Wales a baby born in a cinema has been given an unlimited movie pass for life! I also learned that the collective noun for starfish is a galaxy.
Hearted lifted!
Until next time,
My diary is open to new one-to-one coaching clients. You can click here to find out about how coaching can support you to work with your ADHD, embrace your nature and your strengths, and thrive in a calm and joyful life of your design.
Whether you’re just beginning to recognise potential ADHD traits in yourself or you’re on a long waitlist for an assessment or you’ve had this self-knowledge for a while, it can be a LOT to process as you look back on how your life has been and look ahead to want you do with this information.
Go gently, you’re not alone, we’re in this together.
Photos by Andrea Gilpin
Supporting quiet, sensitive, empathetic, introverted late-(self)diagnosed ADHD women find self-acceptance and understanding, as well as calm and joyful freedom to be their unique, beautiful selves.
EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. This list is my life.
I just wondered how long you've been living in my head. Yes, you nailed it. I'm sending this to my husband, children and friends to give them an idea what it's like. Thank you for this.