I feel you on the wondering why we put ourselves in challenging situations. I think it’s part of any creative practice, but it’s so challenging: the struggle leading up to putting yourself out there and the feeling of vulnerability, followed by the euphoria of having done it and the response. I don’t think it ever gets easier but my mantra is ‘just keep doing it’ (i have a note on my phone that I refer to when I feel like giving up).
The festival sounds amazing and it’s a wonderful thing that you were spreading your message further and wider to people who really connected ✨
I think I have two reasons why I put myself up for speaking – one is the belief that when you write a book you're supposed to do talks about it so I'd better do that. And the other is that my purpose/mission/message is bigger than my fear. When I have powerful information that I know can make a real positive impact I want to share it far and wide and the urge to do that is greater than my nerves. And that's what wins! Plus it's a way better reason that er, because you're supposed to?!
Annoyingly I managed to completely forget what helps me enormously which is to remember that the body doesn't know the difference between fear and excitement, it's the mind that gives the physical response the label and meaning. Wish I'd remembered that at the time because it really does help to reframe it as excitement not nerves.
That’s an excellent reason and shows that your message is important. I like your thinking behind it.
Yes, the mantra does help because I remind myself of other times I’ve felt that way and then the euphoric feeling that comes afterwards. And, like you say, when the message feels important enough, it’s hard to not do the thing. Even when the thing is scary!
Yes, so valuable to remember past experiences and what you got from them. And another yes, what's harder - to do the thing or NOT do the thing?
Just seen you on Lucy's 66 outlets post, before I do what I do now I left my first career in publishing to start and run my own stationery business for seven years… :)
Oh honestly, it's so joyful to be in company with women like you Gabrielle. It's taken me a long time to love being quiet, introverted, sensitive, empathetic... but there is nothing I'd rather be. Have I got ADHD, honestly I'm not sure, probably at least some, I'm treading lightly. I value the discussions and exploration in the meantime.
And a big YES to taking on those challenges, showing what's possible when we become the role model instead of waiting for one to show up. It reminds me of something but I can't for the life of me remember what just now... maybe a film where the girl is waiting to be saved and at the last minute realises she is the only one who can do it because she's seen it in a vision or something ( <--perimenopause brain!)
You've made my heart swell, Sarah, thank you. The world works so hard to tell us we shouldn't be so quiet, we should be more outgoing, we need to toughen up when our qualities are so valuable, so precious, so needed. Accepting ourselves and working with our nature is so powerful, not just for ourselves but for those around us too. I'm here for women who identify with what I'm sharing and don't see it has ADHD in themselves, who feel a few bells ringing and may or may not feel okay with that, who recognise they have ADHD, or who have a diagnosis – wherever an individual is at is what's right for them and no-one else can tell them otherwise. And I'm here for any discussion that's helpful x
Aw, we need all of these conversations! It’s so interesting that the western world values volume and gregariousness so much when those qualities aren’t particularly effective in many leadership scenarios and not alway fun to be around…! I have a lovely friend who is very different to me. I’d worked with a coach for a while and whilst reflecting on that journey my friend said to me “what a shame she didn’t make you louder” my jaw dropped! She loves me and she still thinks I want to be other than what I am… Happily I’m very accepting and loving of who and where I am! Including any ADHD traits that ebb and flow in me over time, I’m open to that journey unfolding as it will x
Gosh. I wonder why she still thinks you want to be other than you are? What does how you are mean for her? Clapping loudly at your self-acceptance and love – YES, Sarah! x
Thank you! And yeah, I don’t really see her much anymore… I think she always thought I fell behind a little, not quite ‘enough’ for her. Maybe I’m wrong, but sometimes things just fade for a reason, right?! And I am very ok! x
Thank you Gabrielle ❤️. I’ve never been a user of any social-media until joining Substack last year to follow an author I like (I’ve always seen it as too time-consuming and overwhelming etc). Anyway, I have sporadically persevered with this platform as I occasionally stumble upon writing that resonates from people like you. I’m in my mid-40’s and was diagnosed with ADHD last year. It was my GP who raised the possibility with me based on my honest sharing of my daily (lifelong) struggles to ‘keep all the plates spinning’.
Anyway - I also have 3 young children and therefore I’ve certainly maxed out my coping threshold in recent years! 🙈🤪
Your “too much but not enough” line particularly resonates for me. I feel like such a walking contradiction sometimes. I have this energetic, inspired and idealistic self that can come to life (and bamboozle other people!), but it’s often tempered by the inner voice that tells me ‘it’s all been said/done before’ and ‘everything is pointless anyway as we’re heading for climate catastrophe’ etc etc! (This is a hard one to reconcile).
It’s like, I dip my toe in the water of possibility (sharing my writing, taking on more work and/or community leadership responsibilities etc), but then retreat as I tell myself I won’t be able to manage any more leaving of my comfort zone because I’m already so overwhelmed. But then I can feel like a failure as I’m not doing “enough” to help/save the world (no biggy!) etc. It’s a lot. I’m often so tired by it all that I just want to hide under coats.
Anyway. I know we all just need to keep on truckin’. But I also know that sometimes we just need to stop...and to rest. And I know that ultimately contradictory emotions/feelings, quotes/analogies/metaphors (and self-talk) can and will always exist.
Thanks again for sharing your thoughts and experiences here. You have helped me to ‘get back on the horse’ this morning (along with the coffee I just consumed!).
Thanks so much for your thoughtful comment, Claire, I'm glad you've persevered with Substack to be here now! So many contradictions, so much we want to do, think we ought to do, feel inspired to do, but we don't have endless energy to do all the things. And then there's the visceral pain of criticism or the fear of criticism that gets in the way when we want or start to put ourselves out there. Managing your energy, inspiration and ideas, learning to walk the horse as well as ride it, and to give yourself so much compassion reduces that boom or bust yo-yo x
"The quiet, introverted, sensitive, empathetic women who are exhausted from spending their lives trying so, so hard to fit in, to not be too much and feeling like they’re not enough.
Who try to do the right thing, to do what they think they should do, what others want them to do, but feel like they’re coming up short.
Who listen and observe and take what others say to heart, with criticism or a negative remark feeling like visceral rejection, painful as a knife to the chest.
Who hate getting things wrong or being bad at something so avoid trying it even if they really want to do it.
Who replay what they said or did, wondering what they should have said or done, what the other person thinks of them and all the ways they could and should have done better.
Who care so much (and have been told countless time they’re too sensitive), can’t bear injustice or cruelty, and want to help and fix and make other people’s lives better.
Who try so hard to make people happy, to please and never let anyone down (or be thought of as a disappointment), even though it’s exhausting and breeding resentment (with the accompanying guilt for feeling that way). And who still feel like they’re letting down others, and themselves."
You pretty much summed up how I've lived my entire life with all of those thoughts. It's exhausting and I'm pretty darn exhausted. I've never met anyone else who does the thought replaying thing either.
It's so exhausting, right? Mentally, emotionally and physically. Ah, thought replaying – I know it well AND I know plenty of other women who do it too. It's been a while since I was last here, hence the delay in responding to your comment, how are you today?
Thank you for this post! I've been reflecting on ADHD and neurodivergence as an identity and a community too, so your point about an invisible thread of connection really resonates with me.
It's also wonderful to read about experiences from someone more on the introverted side, who might not conform with outdated expectations of what ADHD "looks" like. 🥰
That’s exactly why I wanted to write about the quiet, introverted ADHD woman because, by nature, I just don't think we’re seen as much. And we know how important it is to see yourself in others, to know you’re not the only one (we’re never the only one) x
Your feelings, your experience, it's all valid, Lenny x
How brilliant! So glad it all went well! Love the photo! 💕
Thank you! My friend, Cathy, who came with me took it. She was excellent at dishing out my postcards, taking book payments and being my wing woman 😊
Oh we all need a Cathy!
She thinks of and packs EVERYTHING! Very handy when you’re camping and don’t think about how cold it can get at night 😂
Ahh sounds like a lovely time - did you meet Tanya Lynch? She was there and also our yoga teacher Jambo Dragon!
Somehow Tanya and I managed to completely miss each other!
I feel you on the wondering why we put ourselves in challenging situations. I think it’s part of any creative practice, but it’s so challenging: the struggle leading up to putting yourself out there and the feeling of vulnerability, followed by the euphoria of having done it and the response. I don’t think it ever gets easier but my mantra is ‘just keep doing it’ (i have a note on my phone that I refer to when I feel like giving up).
The festival sounds amazing and it’s a wonderful thing that you were spreading your message further and wider to people who really connected ✨
I think I have two reasons why I put myself up for speaking – one is the belief that when you write a book you're supposed to do talks about it so I'd better do that. And the other is that my purpose/mission/message is bigger than my fear. When I have powerful information that I know can make a real positive impact I want to share it far and wide and the urge to do that is greater than my nerves. And that's what wins! Plus it's a way better reason that er, because you're supposed to?!
Annoyingly I managed to completely forget what helps me enormously which is to remember that the body doesn't know the difference between fear and excitement, it's the mind that gives the physical response the label and meaning. Wish I'd remembered that at the time because it really does help to reframe it as excitement not nerves.
How does your mantra effect how you feel? x
That’s an excellent reason and shows that your message is important. I like your thinking behind it.
Yes, the mantra does help because I remind myself of other times I’ve felt that way and then the euphoric feeling that comes afterwards. And, like you say, when the message feels important enough, it’s hard to not do the thing. Even when the thing is scary!
Yes, so valuable to remember past experiences and what you got from them. And another yes, what's harder - to do the thing or NOT do the thing?
Just seen you on Lucy's 66 outlets post, before I do what I do now I left my first career in publishing to start and run my own stationery business for seven years… :)
Oooh this is good to know. Might you be interested in coming on my podcast?
I'd love to :)
That would be wonderful! Can I email you a little more info?
Really enjoyed reading this, much I can relate to. The festival sounds wonderful too.
Hi lovely quiet Angie ;) x
So happy that the event went well for you and that you are learning new ways to navigate the world based on your assessment.
Thanks so much, Jo x
Oh honestly, it's so joyful to be in company with women like you Gabrielle. It's taken me a long time to love being quiet, introverted, sensitive, empathetic... but there is nothing I'd rather be. Have I got ADHD, honestly I'm not sure, probably at least some, I'm treading lightly. I value the discussions and exploration in the meantime.
And a big YES to taking on those challenges, showing what's possible when we become the role model instead of waiting for one to show up. It reminds me of something but I can't for the life of me remember what just now... maybe a film where the girl is waiting to be saved and at the last minute realises she is the only one who can do it because she's seen it in a vision or something ( <--perimenopause brain!)
Thank you for sharing this today 💜
You've made my heart swell, Sarah, thank you. The world works so hard to tell us we shouldn't be so quiet, we should be more outgoing, we need to toughen up when our qualities are so valuable, so precious, so needed. Accepting ourselves and working with our nature is so powerful, not just for ourselves but for those around us too. I'm here for women who identify with what I'm sharing and don't see it has ADHD in themselves, who feel a few bells ringing and may or may not feel okay with that, who recognise they have ADHD, or who have a diagnosis – wherever an individual is at is what's right for them and no-one else can tell them otherwise. And I'm here for any discussion that's helpful x
Aw, we need all of these conversations! It’s so interesting that the western world values volume and gregariousness so much when those qualities aren’t particularly effective in many leadership scenarios and not alway fun to be around…! I have a lovely friend who is very different to me. I’d worked with a coach for a while and whilst reflecting on that journey my friend said to me “what a shame she didn’t make you louder” my jaw dropped! She loves me and she still thinks I want to be other than what I am… Happily I’m very accepting and loving of who and where I am! Including any ADHD traits that ebb and flow in me over time, I’m open to that journey unfolding as it will x
Gosh. I wonder why she still thinks you want to be other than you are? What does how you are mean for her? Clapping loudly at your self-acceptance and love – YES, Sarah! x
Thank you! And yeah, I don’t really see her much anymore… I think she always thought I fell behind a little, not quite ‘enough’ for her. Maybe I’m wrong, but sometimes things just fade for a reason, right?! And I am very ok! x
Thank you for seeing me (us) Gabrielle 💛
I see you and I'm listening x
Thank you Gabrielle ❤️. I’ve never been a user of any social-media until joining Substack last year to follow an author I like (I’ve always seen it as too time-consuming and overwhelming etc). Anyway, I have sporadically persevered with this platform as I occasionally stumble upon writing that resonates from people like you. I’m in my mid-40’s and was diagnosed with ADHD last year. It was my GP who raised the possibility with me based on my honest sharing of my daily (lifelong) struggles to ‘keep all the plates spinning’.
Anyway - I also have 3 young children and therefore I’ve certainly maxed out my coping threshold in recent years! 🙈🤪
Your “too much but not enough” line particularly resonates for me. I feel like such a walking contradiction sometimes. I have this energetic, inspired and idealistic self that can come to life (and bamboozle other people!), but it’s often tempered by the inner voice that tells me ‘it’s all been said/done before’ and ‘everything is pointless anyway as we’re heading for climate catastrophe’ etc etc! (This is a hard one to reconcile).
It’s like, I dip my toe in the water of possibility (sharing my writing, taking on more work and/or community leadership responsibilities etc), but then retreat as I tell myself I won’t be able to manage any more leaving of my comfort zone because I’m already so overwhelmed. But then I can feel like a failure as I’m not doing “enough” to help/save the world (no biggy!) etc. It’s a lot. I’m often so tired by it all that I just want to hide under coats.
Anyway. I know we all just need to keep on truckin’. But I also know that sometimes we just need to stop...and to rest. And I know that ultimately contradictory emotions/feelings, quotes/analogies/metaphors (and self-talk) can and will always exist.
Thanks again for sharing your thoughts and experiences here. You have helped me to ‘get back on the horse’ this morning (along with the coffee I just consumed!).
Keep taking safe risks ;) x
Thanks so much for your thoughtful comment, Claire, I'm glad you've persevered with Substack to be here now! So many contradictions, so much we want to do, think we ought to do, feel inspired to do, but we don't have endless energy to do all the things. And then there's the visceral pain of criticism or the fear of criticism that gets in the way when we want or start to put ourselves out there. Managing your energy, inspiration and ideas, learning to walk the horse as well as ride it, and to give yourself so much compassion reduces that boom or bust yo-yo x
Thank you so much for writing this. Made me feel very seen.
It's so powerful to know we're not the only ones thinking and feeling they way we do, isn't it? You're so welcome here, Jackie, pull up a chair :)
100%. Just pulled up a nice comfy (not too low to the ground) chair 😊
Love that detail 👌 What resonated for you especially? x
This entire chunk of text:
"The quiet, introverted, sensitive, empathetic women who are exhausted from spending their lives trying so, so hard to fit in, to not be too much and feeling like they’re not enough.
Who try to do the right thing, to do what they think they should do, what others want them to do, but feel like they’re coming up short.
Who listen and observe and take what others say to heart, with criticism or a negative remark feeling like visceral rejection, painful as a knife to the chest.
Who hate getting things wrong or being bad at something so avoid trying it even if they really want to do it.
Who replay what they said or did, wondering what they should have said or done, what the other person thinks of them and all the ways they could and should have done better.
Who care so much (and have been told countless time they’re too sensitive), can’t bear injustice or cruelty, and want to help and fix and make other people’s lives better.
Who try so hard to make people happy, to please and never let anyone down (or be thought of as a disappointment), even though it’s exhausting and breeding resentment (with the accompanying guilt for feeling that way). And who still feel like they’re letting down others, and themselves."
You pretty much summed up how I've lived my entire life with all of those thoughts. It's exhausting and I'm pretty darn exhausted. I've never met anyone else who does the thought replaying thing either.
It's so exhausting, right? Mentally, emotionally and physically. Ah, thought replaying – I know it well AND I know plenty of other women who do it too. It's been a while since I was last here, hence the delay in responding to your comment, how are you today?
This is so me!
Welcome to my quiet campfire, Hilda 😊 Did something in particular resonate?
😊 Oh, yes, the part that starts with "The quiet, introverted, sensitive, empathetic women who..."
Check, check, check, that's me! 😄
You’re absolutely in the right place then! x
😊 Oh, yes, the part that starts with "The quiet, introverted, sensitive, empathetic women who..."
Check, check, check, that's me! 😄
Thank you for this post! I've been reflecting on ADHD and neurodivergence as an identity and a community too, so your point about an invisible thread of connection really resonates with me.
It's also wonderful to read about experiences from someone more on the introverted side, who might not conform with outdated expectations of what ADHD "looks" like. 🥰
That’s exactly why I wanted to write about the quiet, introverted ADHD woman because, by nature, I just don't think we’re seen as much. And we know how important it is to see yourself in others, to know you’re not the only one (we’re never the only one) x