Making the most of it
That loaded 'potential' word, win stationery and exciting news for this month
Pre-S: If you’re an introverted, sensitive woman who has, or you think you might have ADHD take a look at the Quiet ADHD Club, I made it especially for you.
✨ And as a fun treat ALL SUBSCRIBERS to the Club (free and paid) will be entered into a pot luck prize draw so I can send 10 random winners a notebook! September is new notebook season after all 📓. Make sure you’re subscribed to the Quiet ADHD Club by Wednesday 10 September for your chance to win*.
💖 Are you joining me for the Be Your Own Best Friend workshop? More below… 💖
Hi lovely,
The start of September – who’s got that back to school, new pencil case and notebook feeling? Even though I’ve now spent many more years out of formal education than I did in it, I still get that fresh start feeling at this time of year. Only now I don’t have to be scared of the terrifying Chemistry teacher or get told off for daydreaming!
This time last year I had handed in my dissertation and was waiting to hear if I passed my Master’s in Applied Positive Psychology (I did 😊). And of course the previous two Autumns it was the start of a new academic year, including the purchase of new notebooks, as I was studying the MSc.
But now, it’s just September, Autumn and the remainder of 2025 stretching ahead for me. How about you?
I took some time out during August to slow down and give myself space to let my mind wander. While I read, worked on building a LEGO kit (a Dalmatian puppy), spent time with friends, walked and foraged (the berries were ready so early), I also felt frustration that August wasn’t the month I was anticipating.
I had hoped to spend the month in my newly landscaped garden, planting and enjoying bringing nature into the space but the building work overran. I’m well aware how lucky I am to have a garden at all and since the builders left I’ve spent as much time as possible out there (before the rain began in earnest!). The veg beds were finished well before the rest of the garden and I sowed seeds straight away so we’ve been enjoying salad and courgettes and I’m hoping the carrots and parsnips will be ready to eat in a few more weeks.
We can put such pressure on ourselves to make the most of an event or a period of time so if it doesn’t live up to our expectations we feel frustrated, disappointed and perhaps cross for not making the most.
We can apply this to ourselves too, feeling frustration that we’re not making the most of ourselves, we’re not living up to our potential.
That’s a big statement though, right?!
What does it mean – living up to your potential? Who decides what that is, what it looks like? Is it what your parents or teachers expected of you? Is it what society tells you success is? Is your vision of living up to your potential actually yours, or one handed to you?
These are big questions and not easily answered in the space of one essay.
But what I do know is that even when we feel that frustration, disappointment and stuckness, there are small moves we can take to move ourselves a little bit closer to what feels more fulfilling.
Reflect on what it is that you feel you’re missing and one potential step you could take to move closer to it.
With my example of the garden I felt like I’d missed the summer enjoying the plants and outdoors. So, even though it’s now raining every day I’m taking a little walk around the garden to see the few flowers I’ve planted, perhaps deadhead or give them a little feed, and I’m picking some of the veg that’s ready to eat. No, it’s not the summer of sunshine in my garden I’d hoped for but it’s making the most of the reality of now.
Who decides what your potential is, what it looks like?
Perhaps you have that feeling of being behind, missing out in life and the phrase, “not living up to your potential” uttered by parents and teachers keeps popping into your head so that’s the label you’ve given this feeling.
See if you can dig a little deeper – what is that you feel you’re missing out on? Is it dissatisfaction with your job? Is it not having enough time to spend with your family, your friends or your hobbies? Is it wanting to feel more relaxed, in the here and now rather than being on the go with always more to do?
When you have a clearer idea of what’s underneath that feeling, think about a possible step you could take to start to address this imbalanced feeling.
Is it exploring what specifically about your work feels unfulfilling? Is it blocking out time in your calendar to craft, treating it as important as a doctor’s appointment? Is it scheduling a date night with your partner or arranging a day out with your friends?
Is it stopping right now to take five intentional breaths in and out and naming five things you appreciate in this moment? Is it talking out how you feel with another person to externally verbalise, process and get another perspective?
Feeling behind and missing out
There is no one right way to approach this feeling of needing to ‘make the most’ and ‘not living up to your potential’ because we’re each individuals – just because we have ADHD doesn’t mean we all have the same different wiring. If you want to explore these thoughts and feelings, as well as whatever else is on your mind through coaching support from me take a look at the information page here.
This feeling of being behind, of missing out, of not quite getting it shows itself in so many different ways and is particularly common in those of us with neurodivergent brains. Not because it is true but because it feels true, not least because the society we live in is always telling us that we should be doing more, giving more, expecting more, wanting more.
Too many of the stories that plague us, that make us feel less than, that chip away at our souls were never ours, they were given to us.
And, we don’t have to keep hold of them. With time, intention and support we can let them go.
The Quiet ADHD Club is my online membership where I support introverted, sensitive women who have, or think they have, ADHD to find understanding, guidance and connection.
You can read more about the Club and see if it could be of support to you by clicking the button below.
In the Quiet ADHD Club this month
I’m excited to share that during September we will be diving deep into one of the most powerful antidotes to the shame-inducing stories we’ve been given since we were tiny – self-compassion.
While we can be brilliant at being compassionate to others, giving ourselves the same compassion can feel almost impossible.
So this month we’re focusing on how you can quieten the inner mean girl in your head and become more compassionate to yourself every day.
When you’re able to give yourself compassion and kindness it allows you to be more accepting of yourself and your ADHD AND helps you to feel calmer, more confident and able to manage the complexities of life with more ease and joy.
Did you know that psychiatrist and ADHD expert William Dodson thinks that children with ADHD receive 20,000 more criticisms by the age of 12 than a neurotypical child?
This month’s Quiet ADHD Club Exploration on self-compassion will take the form of the Be Your Own Best Friend online workshop – it will be recorded if you can’t join me live – with accompanying workbook. The workshop is included in the Club membership with the wealth of resources you get as a member (£13 a month). Or you can purchase it on its own for £36 here.
The Be Your Own Best Friend workshop will take place on Zoom, 7-8pm BST on Thursday 18 September. The recording and workbook will be saved afterwards in the Club Explorations section for members to access any time.
It’s a lot better value to join the Quiet ADHD Club as you get everything in the Club as well as the workshop but I wanted to offer the opportunity to take just the workshop on its own if that suits you better.
And of course as a full paid member you get access to the community calls and accountability threads, the body-doubling sessions, the Q&As, all the previous Exploration topics…
Click the button to get everything by becoming a paid member of the Quiet ADHD Club.
And don’t forget that as long as you’re subscribed by Wednesday 10 September you could win a ‘Thought Depository’ notebook*!
Until next time,
* The 10 winners of the pot luck prize draw will be chosen at random from all subscribers (free and paid) to the Quiet ADHD Club after the closing date of Wednesday 10 September. The winners will be contacted for their postal address so I can send them a ‘Thought Depository’ notebook. There is no cash alternative and this is not affiliated to Substack.
Two ways you can get support
I help quiet, introverted, sensitive, empathetic women who have or think they may have ADHD to understand, accept and love themselves, to work with their brain and natural traits, so they can experience more calm, joy and freedom every day.
❤️ The Quiet ADHD Club
The Quiet ADHD Club is an online space where you can find guidance, practical tools and strategies, and connection, including accountability, body-doubling sessions, deep dives into ADHD challenges, Q&As and guest experts. Find out more and join the membership here.
💜 Bespoke coaching
Whether you’re just beginning to recognise potential ADHD traits in yourself or you’re on a long waitlist for an assessment or you’ve had this self-knowledge for a while, it can be a LOT to process as you look back on how your life has been and look ahead to want you do with this information.
Click here to find out how one-to-one coaching can support you to work with your ADHD brain, embrace your nature and your strengths, and thrive in a calm and joyful life of your design.
Go gently, you’re not alone, we’re in this together.
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