21 Comments

I love how you've identified so many different ways that perfectionism shows up. And I extra love that you've learned to give yourself compassion around that so that you can move forward with the work instead of getting stuck. <3

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Oh, Kathryn, compassion is key! With pretty much everything in life but it is SO helpful with perfectionism because we can be so hard on ourselves. Are you recognising any of the ways it shows up?

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Perfectionism actually isn't one of the big issues for me. In most ways, I'm really comfortable being not perfect in my work and in my life. That's not to say it never shows up because it does of course but mostly it's not a key challenge. And yet, being "not good enough" or "too much" are things that show up for me and those are really just twists on perfectionism.

What's more common for me is specifically not feeling productive enough, like I'm not doing enough. I don't believe in productivity as a way to count your value in the world but I continue to have a hard time giving myself grace in that. But over the years I've learned to practice that self compassion and being gentle with myself and that definitely is the key as you said.

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I agree, feeling not good enough is absolutely one of perfectionism's flavours, as Louise describes it. Feeling like you're not doing enough, not being productive enough, speaks to the high standards we think we should be reaching but never quite do. We can know intellectually that productivity isn't a way to count our value but embodying it fully in our bodies isn't as easy, is it?!

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I am so very much a head person and have spent many recent years trying to become more embodied <3

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Me too! Probably spent the first three decades of my life in my head, disconnected from the neck down.

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Same and there are still days when I think I’d rather be a disembodied brain because it sounds so much easier than understanding my body but of course that’s not what I want at all and my body has amazing information for me when i can tap in.

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Oh goodness, I can relate to so much of this. I love that you've highlighted the different "flavours" of perfectionism - I can definitely see myself reflected in a few of them

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I remember when I was younger thinking I couldn't be a perfectionist because I didn't always try to be perfect, realising there's so much more to it was a revelation! How compassionate are you managing to be with your perfectionism?

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I'm getting better and trying to remember that aiming for 80% is good enough. Done is better than perfect at the end of the day.

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I use 'done is better than perfect' a LOT with students, and the realisation that perfectionism is rarely about being or pursuing perfect (for me certainly) has been profound. I have to regularly remind about functional and sufficient. (And that sufficient is not inadequate. It is enough.)

We are ENOUGH.

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Totally agree. The striving for perfection is so counterproductive isn't it

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Love that you point out the thought that sufficient is not inadequate! We can use language that 'sounds' right but if we don't believe it we think we're kidding ourselves and that keeps us stuck in the perfectionism. Sufficient = enough.

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Done is indeed better than perfect. As is not done by the deadline I set myself but it will get done :)

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I hadn’t really considered that my perfectionism shows up in all these ways. I feel as though I have it under control but it’s daily work ⚡️

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It’s sneaky the way it infiltrates without you necessarily recognising it. And that daily awareness and countering it takes energy, we may be so used to it we don’t really notice but it’s still there.

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Oh, reading the different ways perfectionism shows up was eye opening. I know it’s a struggle, but I didn’t realize how many different forms it can take! I know it will be a life long process to unraveling this tangled knot.

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It's a sneaky beast! Being aware of it is so valuable because once you have that awareness you can choose what you want to do about it. I agree it's something that has layers, or more knots to unpick over time, and bit by bit we can untangle.

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Really appreciate you sharing this so honestly, Gabrielle. I relate very much. I've pretty much finished my first novel and it's 98% ready to self pub. I'm frozen on it (again) right now and I know it's fear and perfectionism. So I always appreciate when writers are honest that this is a normal and expected part of the process!

Congratulations on overcoming this and putting your wisdom out into the world.

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Huge congratulations, Janelle, that is an incredible achievement! So many people dream of writing a novel and you've gone and done it. The fear and perfectionism is real, right?! I've heard so many writers talking about what a joy writing their book was that at times I felt downright wrong for it not being this smooth-sailing experience. But, as always, I figure I'm never the only one to feel or think something so I thought I'd share what it was like for me in case it speaks to someone. Lo and behold it did! As did this piece from Daisy Buchanan I think you'll like https://substack.com/home/post/p-141995812 And huge congratulations again!

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Aw thank you, Gabrielle! I don't quite feel ready for congratulations yet but I will try to accept your lovely support. Yeah I totally hear you. We often only hear a little soundbite about writers' processes and, I can't speak for you, but it just makes me feel like...it's not like that for me so maybe I'm not a real writer. So I appreciate everyone who shares the reality and the resistances. Because that is part of it. And I think it is for every artist! Thank you I'll check out this post. Amie McNee has been a game changer for me in learning about this, along with many others. Lessons I need to keep learning again and again!

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