I have a few of these things going on (I wouldn’t say I have enough of them or they’re severe enough to be diagnosed neurodivergent though) I am all those quiet things and mostly procrastinate and need systems in place to be organised etc . I have bought your 100% wellness book and it’s on my the pile, this gives me more reason to read it… and maybe another book could be on its way with what you discover from your discovery? xx
Thanks for your comment, Tracey, and for buying my book! I think what matters is not whether you definitely have a label or not, whether you have a diagnosis or not, it's down to what you understand about yourself, what you find tricky, and what you need help with – because all of us, whoever we are, need support in life. The woman I described above and the challenges she has, how she feels is what matters really, not whether she identifies as being neurotypical or neurodivergent. She's the woman I've known (personally) for years, who I've been supporting and who I'll keep supporting. Always happy to chat if it's helpful, and I hope you enjoy the book! x
You're very welcome, Amritavani. It can be discombobulating having wonderings and realisations so go gently with yourself. I'm here if it'd help to chat x
Yes, Caz, that erasure is happening and it feels incredible! It's been a short amount of time but I already feel lighter and more free. When I start to get frustrated with myself or I can feel the mean self-talk surfacing I've begun to address my brain with a different name, to create a little separation as I am not my distractedness, I just sometimes get distracted. How are you feeling about how your diagnosis adds to your story now? x
Its not simple but it is very positive. Ive become more kind and generous with myself.
I decided that rather than battle endlessly with house cleaning, to pay for a regular cleaner. This has had lots of positive ripples.
I have processed some deep regret. And learnt that i have friends who keen to support my learning and the realisations I’m having and others who really do not like ‘labels’.
I still find it easy to advocate for others but not for myself. The shame is most present at work, i cant settle on my priorities.
And love that you have a brain name. So true we are not our ( insert thing). Hope you have a lovely day ahead.
SO glad to read you're becoming more kind and generous with yourself, I think this is foundational because it's highly likely that kindness and generosity, from yourself as well as others, has been scarce throughout life. Learning to direct your advocacy skills towards yourself can be tricky but the fact you already know you can advocate for others means that it's entirely possible.
It's interesting how other people react, isn't it? Says much more about the other person, what they think and feel, than about us.
So appreciate your comments, Caz, hope you've been enjoying your Sunday x
This is such a wonderful post Gabrielle and I’m so pleased that this diagnosis is actually enabling you to piece together clues and be kinder to yourself in your understanding of certain quirks and behaviours. You are a marvel xx
This is such a wonderful post Gabrielle and I’m so pleased that this diagnosis is actually enabling you to piece together clues and be kinder to yourself in your understanding of certain quirks and behaviours. You are a marvel xx
Susannah, your sharing of your own story and experience has been pivotal for me and I am SO grateful to you. And so appreciative of your support during this process, you are bloomin' brilliant! xx
Thank you so much Gabrielle. The older I get the more I recognise myself as having so many ADHD traits although I haven’t had any assessments or diagnosis. I recognise myself in so much of this - the freeze of procrastination is getting worse and worse. I think I might take this as my nudge to look into it more for myself 💛
You're absolutely not alone in having these little lightbulbs go off, and link together, I think there are a lot of midlife women who are having these realisations. My view is that no-one 'needs' to be assessed or diagnosed, if you recognise it in yourself that's enough. It's what would be helpful for you, most supportive for you. I'm happy to chat if it'd be useful x
Thank you, I so appreciate that. There’s something about being validated with a diagnosis for me, which I believe would help me then be able to validate myself - if that makes sense? Rather than living in this shame spiral. Did you speak to your GP initially Gabrielle?
That makes total sense. I wanted the confirmation for myself and felt that others might need it (whether they should or not is another matter). I spoke to my GP first, she asked me a few questions, gave me a questionnaire to complete and hand in and said the waiting list could be two years long. I then decided I didn't want to wait that long so went through the assessment process with a private company recommended to me, adhd-360.com.
Thank you for sharing! I have all of these traits too and have spent my entire adult life trying to self-regulate with self-care. My library of books consist mainly of wellness books. I’ve been practicing and teaching yoga and meditation for 20+ years, while struggling to stick with one main career focus. All while appearing to be Zen Jenn (my nickname) having it all together. This post put it all together! I’m going to discuss with my doctor. I can’t wait to hear how you navigate this diagnosis. Wow!! Just wow! Thank you and be well ❤️
Jennifer, you are absolutely not alone in this, I see you! Trying to find those solutions, trying to live up to that name, it's exhausting, even more so when you don't know why you feel like that. It's only been a month since I had the realisation (my view is self-diagnosis is totally valid, getting an official diagnosis is a personal choice) and just the knowledge and awareness is proving to be incredibly positive for me. If you want to talk more just let me know x
Oh Gabrielle thank you for your openness, what a great post.
So much of this resonates. I’ve been thinking about speaking to my doctor as I think I may have ADHD but like you am relatively calm, exhausted easily & highly organised (strategies) so I keep telling myself I can’t have it.
You're welcome, Han, it can be somewhat unsettling to start joining the dots together, especially if we don't feel we 'look' like what we think someone with ADHD looks like, or meet every single criteria. Your experience is valid, what you recognise in yourself is valid. I see you in myself and in the women I work with (whether they identify as neurotypical or neurodivergent). Happy to chat if it helps x
That is a lot to do with it, thinking I have to fit a specific type or tick everything off the list! I’m working with a counsellor at the moment so will see where that lands me.
I’ve watched a close family member go through this kind of rip the bandaid off awakening. They are adjusting to it over time, and still learning how to be with themselves in the neuro typical world.
Labels do not have a one size fits all, yet they can help us to see with clearer glasses.
Thank you for sharing. It’s wonderful for you to be a unicorn in a world full of horses and zebras.
The glasses analogy is a good one, Teyani, thank you, mine have been cleaned and polished so I can see so clearly through them! I've heard descriptions of unicorns used before and, thinking about it, I don't feel like a unicorn because I don't feel wildly different than I did before. Maybe I'm a horse with a streak of colour in my mane ;) I hope your family member is going gently with themselves and getting the support they need x
Congratulations on your diagnosis Gabrielle! I work in neurodiversity so know how freeing it can be for people to finally feel understood and for things to click into place post diagnosis. 🧩
I am on a long waiting list for an ADHD assessment, and it’s been so eye opening for me to finally realise why I find certain things (that other people do so easily) challenging. We put so much effort into keeping things together, things which other people can do it with such ease! But, it’s EXHAUSTING!
I feel things so strongly and life can feel like an emotional rollercoaster 🎢 at times. My nervous system is often dysregulated and I often find the basic everyday tasks much harder than most and either have loads of energy ⚡️ or none. I am so tuned into others emotions and so aware of others expectations that I get very easily drained. Learning to prioritise myself as an adult has totally changed the game, but it’s still a work in progress!
The highs are high but the lows are low. I have also developed strategies to actually be highly organised too - I’ve learnt the hard way. That pretty much sums up ADHD for me - learning the hard way!
ADHD looks so different in girls and often looks like good girl/perfectionist syndrome - we grew up petrified of getting it wrong and always feel behind so put a huge amount of energy into coping.
Although it’s not easy, now that I am able to support myself I am so grateful my mind works like this - I’m creative, ambitious, playful, quirky, impulsive, emotionally intelligent - and although it can be very hard, I wouldn’t change it for the world! We are superhumans 💫💫💫
Oh Hannah, I hear you, I HEAR you! The good girl/perfectionist is absolutely how it showed up for me for most of my life, it's what I've been addressing in myself for years and what I've been supporting other women with in my work for so long too.
The nervous system dysregulation can really throw you for a loop, along with high empathy and sensitivity, having tools and strategies to soothe and self-regulate, be boundaries, are so powerful and make an enormous difference.
The waiting list is so long for assessment, I was told two years which is why I decided to take the plunge and go private instead. I love all the wonderful qualities and strengths you describe, yes to celebrating them!
A fellow quiet adhd friend right here. Starting and procrastinating are my biggest problems but letting go of the shame is transforming the way I treat myself. Xx
Pull up a chair, Becca, you're welcome here :) Yep, starting and procrastinating are slippery, tricky little so-and-sos, aren't they?! Especially when you know that once you're in it you're totally in it, it's just getting going. Love that you're letting go of the shame, full body YES to this! It's so toxic, it's so harmful and it was never yours, it was given to you x
Beautiful when we make sense of ourselves in kinder and more forgiving ways. I'm thankful to our youngsters who have opened paths for us away from shame, stigma and internalised hate/ self- blame. And excited about what the world will be as we allow earlier masks to melt away and bring our full gorgeous diversity and humanity into society.
Thank you for sharing your beautiful thoughts, Caroline. How could our world indeed look and feel if we all shed masks and accepted each other as our full selves.
Such good timing. Perfectionism, hard self talk when can be gentle on others, flittering from one shiny thing to the next a zillion projects on the go and still take on more. I recognise similar traits and just before reading your post I made arrangements for an appointment to see if I can get tested for this as it makes so much sense. I'll look out for your book. Thanks for sharing.
So great of you to share yourself like this. As many others have said, I have wondered off and on if I have ADHD. I know I am a HSP and a university research assessment suggests I’m on the lower end of the scale for autism too. Like many mothers, you start wondering about your kid and you end up wondering about yourself! One thing I do know though is that the more we talk about these things, the better it is for everyone so thank you ❤️
It's fascinating how many mums (and maybe dads?) are diagnosed after their children are assessed. I think that going for assessment and diagnosis is entirely personal, if we believe that we have a condition that's valid. And I agree, talking is always good for sharing information and experience, without others' sharing I don't think I'd have had this realisation. If you ever want to chat just let me know x
I have a few of these things going on (I wouldn’t say I have enough of them or they’re severe enough to be diagnosed neurodivergent though) I am all those quiet things and mostly procrastinate and need systems in place to be organised etc . I have bought your 100% wellness book and it’s on my the pile, this gives me more reason to read it… and maybe another book could be on its way with what you discover from your discovery? xx
Thanks for your comment, Tracey, and for buying my book! I think what matters is not whether you definitely have a label or not, whether you have a diagnosis or not, it's down to what you understand about yourself, what you find tricky, and what you need help with – because all of us, whoever we are, need support in life. The woman I described above and the challenges she has, how she feels is what matters really, not whether she identifies as being neurotypical or neurodivergent. She's the woman I've known (personally) for years, who I've been supporting and who I'll keep supporting. Always happy to chat if it's helpful, and I hope you enjoy the book! x
* to be read pile
Oops I mean 1% wellness experiment. I wish there was a way to edit our comments 🤔
I've often wondered whether I have ADHD. You describe so many things I experience. I appreciate your openess. Thank you.
You're very welcome, Amritavani. It can be discombobulating having wonderings and realisations so go gently with yourself. I'm here if it'd help to chat x
What a beautiful post to share. As a woman diagnosed at 47 it certainly adds to the story.
I erased a lot if the shame at my lifelong ‘failings’ and the lack of hourly/daily shame has been transformative.
Enjoy your cuppa and let’s keep talking.
Yes, Caz, that erasure is happening and it feels incredible! It's been a short amount of time but I already feel lighter and more free. When I start to get frustrated with myself or I can feel the mean self-talk surfacing I've begun to address my brain with a different name, to create a little separation as I am not my distractedness, I just sometimes get distracted. How are you feeling about how your diagnosis adds to your story now? x
Its not simple but it is very positive. Ive become more kind and generous with myself.
I decided that rather than battle endlessly with house cleaning, to pay for a regular cleaner. This has had lots of positive ripples.
I have processed some deep regret. And learnt that i have friends who keen to support my learning and the realisations I’m having and others who really do not like ‘labels’.
I still find it easy to advocate for others but not for myself. The shame is most present at work, i cant settle on my priorities.
And love that you have a brain name. So true we are not our ( insert thing). Hope you have a lovely day ahead.
SO glad to read you're becoming more kind and generous with yourself, I think this is foundational because it's highly likely that kindness and generosity, from yourself as well as others, has been scarce throughout life. Learning to direct your advocacy skills towards yourself can be tricky but the fact you already know you can advocate for others means that it's entirely possible.
It's interesting how other people react, isn't it? Says much more about the other person, what they think and feel, than about us.
So appreciate your comments, Caz, hope you've been enjoying your Sunday x
This is such a wonderful post Gabrielle and I’m so pleased that this diagnosis is actually enabling you to piece together clues and be kinder to yourself in your understanding of certain quirks and behaviours. You are a marvel xx
Thank you, Jane, I became a detective in my own life for a while! Your conversation and friendship have been so nourishing, so glad we connected x
Rightbackatcha and totally x
This is such a wonderful post Gabrielle and I’m so pleased that this diagnosis is actually enabling you to piece together clues and be kinder to yourself in your understanding of certain quirks and behaviours. You are a marvel xx
I am so proud of you!!!!!!!!!!! ❤️🌈🤘
Susannah, your sharing of your own story and experience has been pivotal for me and I am SO grateful to you. And so appreciative of your support during this process, you are bloomin' brilliant! xx
Thank you so much Gabrielle. The older I get the more I recognise myself as having so many ADHD traits although I haven’t had any assessments or diagnosis. I recognise myself in so much of this - the freeze of procrastination is getting worse and worse. I think I might take this as my nudge to look into it more for myself 💛
You're absolutely not alone in having these little lightbulbs go off, and link together, I think there are a lot of midlife women who are having these realisations. My view is that no-one 'needs' to be assessed or diagnosed, if you recognise it in yourself that's enough. It's what would be helpful for you, most supportive for you. I'm happy to chat if it'd be useful x
Thank you, I so appreciate that. There’s something about being validated with a diagnosis for me, which I believe would help me then be able to validate myself - if that makes sense? Rather than living in this shame spiral. Did you speak to your GP initially Gabrielle?
That makes total sense. I wanted the confirmation for myself and felt that others might need it (whether they should or not is another matter). I spoke to my GP first, she asked me a few questions, gave me a questionnaire to complete and hand in and said the waiting list could be two years long. I then decided I didn't want to wait that long so went through the assessment process with a private company recommended to me, adhd-360.com.
Thank you 🙏
Thank you for sharing! I have all of these traits too and have spent my entire adult life trying to self-regulate with self-care. My library of books consist mainly of wellness books. I’ve been practicing and teaching yoga and meditation for 20+ years, while struggling to stick with one main career focus. All while appearing to be Zen Jenn (my nickname) having it all together. This post put it all together! I’m going to discuss with my doctor. I can’t wait to hear how you navigate this diagnosis. Wow!! Just wow! Thank you and be well ❤️
Jennifer, you are absolutely not alone in this, I see you! Trying to find those solutions, trying to live up to that name, it's exhausting, even more so when you don't know why you feel like that. It's only been a month since I had the realisation (my view is self-diagnosis is totally valid, getting an official diagnosis is a personal choice) and just the knowledge and awareness is proving to be incredibly positive for me. If you want to talk more just let me know x
Thank you ❤️
Oh Gabrielle thank you for your openness, what a great post.
So much of this resonates. I’ve been thinking about speaking to my doctor as I think I may have ADHD but like you am relatively calm, exhausted easily & highly organised (strategies) so I keep telling myself I can’t have it.
It’s really got me thinking
You're welcome, Han, it can be somewhat unsettling to start joining the dots together, especially if we don't feel we 'look' like what we think someone with ADHD looks like, or meet every single criteria. Your experience is valid, what you recognise in yourself is valid. I see you in myself and in the women I work with (whether they identify as neurotypical or neurodivergent). Happy to chat if it helps x
Thank you so much ☺️
That is a lot to do with it, thinking I have to fit a specific type or tick everything off the list! I’m working with a counsellor at the moment so will see where that lands me.
Yes, I was doubting myself because I didn't feel like I was 100% on everything but, really, who is? Hope working with the counsellor is supportive x
So beautifully and vulnerably written.
I’ve watched a close family member go through this kind of rip the bandaid off awakening. They are adjusting to it over time, and still learning how to be with themselves in the neuro typical world.
Labels do not have a one size fits all, yet they can help us to see with clearer glasses.
Thank you for sharing. It’s wonderful for you to be a unicorn in a world full of horses and zebras.
The glasses analogy is a good one, Teyani, thank you, mine have been cleaned and polished so I can see so clearly through them! I've heard descriptions of unicorns used before and, thinking about it, I don't feel like a unicorn because I don't feel wildly different than I did before. Maybe I'm a horse with a streak of colour in my mane ;) I hope your family member is going gently with themselves and getting the support they need x
Thank you. They are a work in progress! And for sure learning to be more gentle towards themselves.
I love the image of a horse with a streak of color in your hair. It works so well as a metaphor😊.
One more thought I’ll quietly drop in here is that most artistic, awesome people aren’t truly aware of how unique they really are.
That is a lovely (and sad) thought, thank you x
Congratulations on your diagnosis Gabrielle! I work in neurodiversity so know how freeing it can be for people to finally feel understood and for things to click into place post diagnosis. 🧩
I am on a long waiting list for an ADHD assessment, and it’s been so eye opening for me to finally realise why I find certain things (that other people do so easily) challenging. We put so much effort into keeping things together, things which other people can do it with such ease! But, it’s EXHAUSTING!
I feel things so strongly and life can feel like an emotional rollercoaster 🎢 at times. My nervous system is often dysregulated and I often find the basic everyday tasks much harder than most and either have loads of energy ⚡️ or none. I am so tuned into others emotions and so aware of others expectations that I get very easily drained. Learning to prioritise myself as an adult has totally changed the game, but it’s still a work in progress!
The highs are high but the lows are low. I have also developed strategies to actually be highly organised too - I’ve learnt the hard way. That pretty much sums up ADHD for me - learning the hard way!
ADHD looks so different in girls and often looks like good girl/perfectionist syndrome - we grew up petrified of getting it wrong and always feel behind so put a huge amount of energy into coping.
Although it’s not easy, now that I am able to support myself I am so grateful my mind works like this - I’m creative, ambitious, playful, quirky, impulsive, emotionally intelligent - and although it can be very hard, I wouldn’t change it for the world! We are superhumans 💫💫💫
Oh Hannah, I hear you, I HEAR you! The good girl/perfectionist is absolutely how it showed up for me for most of my life, it's what I've been addressing in myself for years and what I've been supporting other women with in my work for so long too.
The nervous system dysregulation can really throw you for a loop, along with high empathy and sensitivity, having tools and strategies to soothe and self-regulate, be boundaries, are so powerful and make an enormous difference.
The waiting list is so long for assessment, I was told two years which is why I decided to take the plunge and go private instead. I love all the wonderful qualities and strengths you describe, yes to celebrating them!
A fellow quiet adhd friend right here. Starting and procrastinating are my biggest problems but letting go of the shame is transforming the way I treat myself. Xx
Pull up a chair, Becca, you're welcome here :) Yep, starting and procrastinating are slippery, tricky little so-and-sos, aren't they?! Especially when you know that once you're in it you're totally in it, it's just getting going. Love that you're letting go of the shame, full body YES to this! It's so toxic, it's so harmful and it was never yours, it was given to you x
Beautiful when we make sense of ourselves in kinder and more forgiving ways. I'm thankful to our youngsters who have opened paths for us away from shame, stigma and internalised hate/ self- blame. And excited about what the world will be as we allow earlier masks to melt away and bring our full gorgeous diversity and humanity into society.
Thank you for sharing your beautiful thoughts, Caroline. How could our world indeed look and feel if we all shed masks and accepted each other as our full selves.
Such good timing. Perfectionism, hard self talk when can be gentle on others, flittering from one shiny thing to the next a zillion projects on the go and still take on more. I recognise similar traits and just before reading your post I made arrangements for an appointment to see if I can get tested for this as it makes so much sense. I'll look out for your book. Thanks for sharing.
Love a coincidence (or is it fate?!). You're so welcome here, Kerrie and I'm happy to chat if it's useful.
So great of you to share yourself like this. As many others have said, I have wondered off and on if I have ADHD. I know I am a HSP and a university research assessment suggests I’m on the lower end of the scale for autism too. Like many mothers, you start wondering about your kid and you end up wondering about yourself! One thing I do know though is that the more we talk about these things, the better it is for everyone so thank you ❤️
It's fascinating how many mums (and maybe dads?) are diagnosed after their children are assessed. I think that going for assessment and diagnosis is entirely personal, if we believe that we have a condition that's valid. And I agree, talking is always good for sharing information and experience, without others' sharing I don't think I'd have had this realisation. If you ever want to chat just let me know x