You may not be aware
7 things many don't know about ADHD including why the name itself is wrong
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October is ADHD Awareness Month and I feel remiss for not having mentioned it yet.
As is often the case with notable dates, weeks or months I feel I need to say something particularly profound and meaningful. And that unnecessary pressure I put on myself results in me saying nothing.
Which then makes me feel like I’ve failed to speak up for what’s important, to me and others, and like I’ve missed the boat.
What a joy overthinking is!
Here’s the thing: notables dates, weeks and months are great but those of us who are in that arena are already speaking up for what’s important to ourselves and others anyway.
I’m all for specific dates to highlight issues but just because there’s a date we don't have to speak up on it. And it doesn’t help to put pressure on ourselves or feel obliged to stick our fourpenn’th in. Especially when we’re already speaking, writing or working in that area.
So, be it in celebration of ADHD Awareness Month or not, I thought I’d highlight seven ADHD issues, myths, challenges, strengths that you, or those around you, may or may not be aware of (see what I did there?!).
There’s a flaw in the very name of ADHD itself
Those of us with ADHD – Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder – don’t have a deficit of attention, we have an abundance of it. There are SO many interesting things in the world we want to pay attention to, so much we want to explore and find out and watch and listen and learn and read and experience, it can be really blimmin hard to pay attention to just one thing.
Also, it’s not a disorder, it’s a difference.
People with ADHD, or any neurodivergence for that matter, aren’t broken or wrong or faulty or lacking or failing. Our brains work differently to how a ‘typical’ brain works.
What’s disordered is how society is set up to only work for one type of brain, the typical kind, making life difficult for anyone whose brain works differently.
Hyperactivity can be internal
Girls and women are chronically under diagnosed or not diagnosed at all with ADHD (until decades into life, see this post and this one on why there seems to be a flood of midlife women with ADHD) because they’re socially conditioned from a very young age to contain and curb their natural selves.
So girls and women don't fit the ADHD stereotype of a fidgety boy because they learned early on that they ‘should’ sit still and not be disruptive. The hyperactivity is present but it’s more likely to be internalised than externally visible.
Inside our minds are working at a million miles an hour all. the. time. Making connections, picking up on our senses, processing, questioning, replaying, forecasting, thinking, thinking, thinking.
All. The. Time.
Procrastination is not due to a lack of willpower
Dopamine levels are crucial
Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that gives us good feelings, like pleasure and reward, and it plays a role in motivation and focus. Dopamine is released when we do something we enjoy or get pleasure from, that could be exercise, eating sugar, drinking alcohol, getting likes on our social posts, crafting…
ADHDers have lower levels of dopamine because the mechanism doesn’t work in the same way as in neurotypicals (okay, that’s hugely simplified but the scientific explanation is a lot) which means our mood, how well we focus and our motivation can be really impacted.
To be able to stop procrastinating and get on with a task, to focus and not be so distracted, to just feel good we need to boost our dopamine levels. That’s why ‘eating the frog first’ absolutely doesn’t work for ADHDers (I write about that here) and why people can struggle with addiction and impulsivity as they seek the dopamine their brain needs.
ADHD can be quiet, introverted, introspective
While of course there are traits and those with ADHD have lots in common, we’re not all the same. As the saying (sort of) goes: when you’ve met one ADHDer you’ve met one ADHDer.
The image most often seen of a midlife, late-(self)diagnosed woman with ADHD is a proudly neurospicy woman choosing to celebrate her neurodiversity by embracing a rainbow of colours, from dyeing her hair to what she wears. She's curbed her effervescence, her energy, her unicorn sparkliness for too long and now she’s out there, loud and proud.
Which is fantastic, I’m ALL for women being their true selves.
And it’s not the only picture of an ADHD woman.
Who we see far less of, understandably, is the quiet, introverted, sensitive ADHD woman who, now she’s discovered her neurodivergence, doesn’t feel any desire to change how she looks or acts. She still doesn’t want to be the centre of attention, she’s still comfortable being quiet, thoughtful, observing, getting lost in a book and going for long walks alone.
But this quiet ADHD woman is still a woman with ADHD (maybe with other neurodivergent traits, maybe not) who, especially if she discovered this later in life, is trying to figure out where she fits in the picture when she doesn’t see women like her. (I’ve written more about this here.)
So if this is you, or this resonates for someone you know, let me tell you that you’re not alone. I and other quiet ADHD women are out there. (And you can find the home I’ve created for our quiet community here.)
It’s tiring, really tiring
While ADHDers can be full of energy when they’re enthused about something, when their creativity and passion is ignited, we can also feel exhausted a lot of the time for a variety of reasons.
The world can be incredibly overstimulating with all the sounds, smells, textures and sights we find it hard to filter out. Plus our energy gets used up with the effort it takes to focus our attention, peopling (especially if you’re introverted), making decisions and, again, all the thinking!
As I already wrote, our brains are going like the clappers non-stop and that includes when we want to sleep. Which is why if you ask someone with ADHD how did they sleep it’s unlikely they’ll say they got a solid eight hours and feel fresh as a daisy.
There’s also the issue of the exhaustion that comes from overcommitting ourselves. When we’re feeling energised and our dopamine’s up we can say yes to more than we really have capacity for. Plus, many ADHDers are people-pleasers and so say yes when we don’t really want to.
As well as being overstimulated we can also be under stimulated when we’re doing something we’re not interested in and our dopamine levels are on the floor. This creates exhaustion too (perhaps with a side dish of confusion and self-recrimination).
So, all to say, if you’re knackered there’s good reason why!
We can handle the big stuff if not always the little stuff
You want us nearby in a crisis
It may seem unlikely if you have ADHD, or know someone who does, and you/they get overwhelmed by the seemingly small stuff like what to make for dinner, that an ADHDer could handle something big going wrong.
But, you’d be wrong.
Because ADHDers are excellent in a crisis, thanks in no small part to the surge of dopamine released, our creativity and ability to hyper focus. We go into mega coping mode, coming up with ideas for dealing with the problem, making a plan and putting it into action.
In time we’ll need to lie down in a quiet, dark room but in the moment you can count on us.
Don’t forget the positives
As we’re on the subject of what ADHDers are good at, let’s point out that while there are many undeniable challenges of having ADHD (amplified by trying to fit into a neurotypical world) there are positives too.
People with ADHD are resilient and great at problem-solving. We can think laterally, see the bigger picture as well as notice the details. We’re creative and have an incredible ability to hyper focus as well as multi-task. We’re compassionate, empathetic and have a strong sense of justice.
The world is better off with us in it!
What would you like more people to be aware of around ADHD?
Until next time,
My diary is open to new one-to-one coaching clients. You can click here to find out about how coaching can support you to work with your ADHD, embrace your nature and your strengths, and thrive in a calm and joyful life of your design.
Whether you’re just beginning to recognise potential ADHD traits in yourself or you’re on a long waitlist for an assessment or you’ve had this self-knowledge for a while, it can be a LOT to process as you look back on how your life has been and look ahead to want you do with this information.
Go gently, you’re not alone, we’re in this together.
Photos by Andrea Gilpin
Supporting quiet, sensitive, empathetic, introverted late-(self)diagnosed ADHD women find self-acceptance and understanding, as well as calm and joyful freedom to be their unique, beautiful selves.
I've recently been moved in my job. I was finding the role too stressful and now I'm doing something less intense. It wasn't my choice. My employer made the decision and of course they don't know my suspicions aboutADHD. Over and over I've left jobs because they got too much as I always choose quite dynamic paths. My current role is quiter and I've invested in some loops so I feel less tired today but very much looking back over my patchy career wondering if I now understand why.
Oh yes, the abundance of attention. My current meds have quietened the number of thoughts bouncing for supreme attention. However the action starter still needs to be told firmly to get going on Most things.